Chicago O'Hare

If O'Hare's goal for my life today was to exercise my short limbs, they succeeded parlessly. A system glitch and 2 gate changes. Because my frequent flier miles are with United, I have become intimately acquainted with the layout and quirks of O'Hare. For people who don't travel through here much, this airport is maddening, but familiarity makes it more homey. I realized I had passed that point when I deplaned and looked at the screen and automatically a) knew that I was headed to Crapville, O'Hare because my flight was out of the F terminal and b) turned right and started cataloguing the food options I knew were on the way between B and F. That includes, by the way, 3 starbucks, auntie anne's pretzels, mcdonalds, johnny rockets, chili's too, a lackluster wolfgang puck, a few Hudson News stands, the le vosges chocolate stand, a brioche doree, and two pizza/chicago hot dog stands.

Let's talk about the F terminal. If you fly into C or B you are in a high-ceilinged corridor lined with chicago-themed stores and a plethora of food options. It's busy, but light and generally navigable. As you head through the corridor toward the E and F gates suddenly everything becomes very LaGuardian; the ceilings get lower and the halls get about 15 feet narrower despite not seeming to have any fewer passengers. Today the temperature also felt like it went up at least 10 degrees. Maybe because there were just as many people and less space for all that body heat to escape. Anyway, it heightens the sense that you are heading into the bowels of hell. Also, previously decent stores and food options slowly fade away until all you have in a 10 gate radius is a Brookstone and a Hudson News. It seems the F terminal only really services flights to unenticing places and they have fashioned the terminal to reflect everyone's eventual destination. The only good thing that has ever come out of the F terminal in my experience was that Cal Ripken Jr.'s flight to the College World Series was delayed and I got a picture with him.

The E terminal has a little more to recommend itself, a Starbucks, bookstore, and a Fox Sports hub that, currently, has one tv playing Dora and Diego's adventure to Antarctica. Maybe it's less busy and that's why it seems lighter and slightly less heinous than the F.

Highlights of O'Hare would be the cool Rhapsody in Blue light extravaganze in the underpass between the C and B terminals and then the decorative benches (one is of the Van Gogh painting Bedroom in Arles) and glass decorations hanging from the ceiling in the space leading from B to E,F.

I have actually been fairly impressed by O'Hare. When I first started traveling regularly for work people were lamenting my choice of United because of the Chicago and Denver hubs and those cities' penchant for craptacular weather. But I have actually only had one flight cancelled for weather. Today I am flying to Cleveland. Stop the envy. My airplane is currently sitting on the tarmac at Colorado Springs. You always know a delay is caused by another airport when you see plenty of planes taking off and landing around you and only your flight is mysteriously delayed by like 4 hours.