The United and Continental merger: The Continental secret.

So I was a United frequent flyer and very happy about it. I felt pretty good about the ability to accrue miles and spend them. The fleet wasn't the most amazing set of planes I'd been on (once you fly Singapore Airlines all others are basically sad trash in comparison) but for domestic US flights, it's all pretty much the same on the big carriers: Delta, American, US Air, United, Continental, Southwest (yes, they are funner), Alaska (the service IS better).

So United acquired Continental and I thought "whatever, at least now I don't have to fly American into the crapholes of the Southern US to which they have the best access and not get miles on my preferred airline. Continental definitely filled that hole for United, having access into a lot of those Southern airports through their hub in Houston.

So I started taking flights on Continental...and the more I flew it, the more the love grew and I realized: this airline is SO MUCH BETTER than United. a) Their seats often have OUTLETS in them. as in, electrical outlets for me to plug in my computer or phone...those outlets we jockey for in the airport because we want as much battery time in-flight as possible...well I don't need them on my Continental flights because they are IN MY SEAT. b) many planes have the seatback tv with DirecTV. When I don't sleep through the whole flight, it's worth the 6-8 bucks for a full range of tv. c) though to be honest I usually get the channels for free because I am upgraded at least twice as much on Continental as I was on United. which is awesome. d) The Houston airport has lots of awesome shopping, duty free, Starbucks, great restaurant options...way more than Denver or O'Hare. yeah.

A few of my fellow travelers and I have dared speak this aloud. We feel like we're sitting on a secret treasure and are like, "yeah, you other blowhards go ahead and think United is superior with it's whoop-de-shit Economy plus legroom. pay no attention to those flights through IAH..."

On my flight back from Kentucky I have to go through O'Hare on United and I was like *sigh* no tv and free anti-aging sampling in duty free for me. woe. ;)

the team that goes the extra mile...to service you

Cathay Pacific sex photo scandal

See, they're trying to be all noble, claiming this is so reprehensible, missing the golden opportunity to acknowledge that a huge percentage of business travelers are nasty philanderers. Why not just go for it? "This is the team that will go the extra mile for you...and may even be willing to physically pleasure you." It absolutely hits the road warrior segment where they live--their penises. And if you've sat in business or first anytime recently and seen the sausagefest it is (much to my chagrin), you know this is true. Go ahead and soil that reputation, Cathay Pacific.

Sticking it to the Man

I don't know that most travelers are aware that nearly all hotels have complimentary deodorant, razors, shaving cream, toothpaste, and toothbrushes behind the front desk. I'll pretty much try to get as many of these as possible at any given stay. i.e. when the clerk in the morning is different from the clerk in the evening...new set! My goal is to not have to buy deodorant or toothpaste for the next 10 years (or give my stash to a homeless shelter. We shall see.) AND to be able to offer all my own houseguests little overnight packs. none will go toothbrushless again!

High-end vs mid-range hotels

If you travel a lot something you'll have noticed is that the nicer the hotel, the less free amenities. You stay at a Hampton Inn, Hyatt Place, Holiday Inn Express, Embassy Suites, Candlewood Suites, Drury, even the Choice hotels and you're getting breakfast, free wifi, heck, sometimes you even get a managers reception with complimentary two-buck chuck and some pretzels and meatballs.

Stay at a Hilton, Marriott, Doubletree, Renaissance, Westin, etc. and you've got a 10.95 minimum fee for wifi per day, definitely no free breakfast--usually their half-assed attempts at expensive modern food, and oftentimes no pool. boo. and double boo if you have kids.

My take is that unless it's an incredible landmark proferring an intensely unique experience, like the Hotel Del Coronado or Waldorf-Astoria, or has some particularly amazing ambience--like the Blackstone in Chicago, or has a to-die-for location, I'd always go midrange. In fact, if it's for practicality and NOT for the experience, choosing high-end hotels is like waving a flag that says "I'm a moron and I like to waste money." we should station robbers outside of them.

Holiday Inn Express

It took me forever to realize what the faintly bizarre and offputting smell of the HIE toiletries was, and now I'm pretty sure I've got it: cinnamon. The fact that I could name it made it less weird, but it's interesting to me that if you are a huge mid-range hotel chain you would choose one of the least common scents to be used on hair and body as your go-to smell. Anyway, if this had been driving you crazy for a few years like it had me, I wanted to get it out there. Whenever I'm staying at an HIE I always pack my own toiletries.

That said, the Holiday Inn Express is a pretty solid choice in the mid-range ($89-139/night). The breakfast with hot options is totally acceptable; the one I recently stayed at in Goodland, Kansas had a pancake machine that delighted my 6 year old nephew to no end. Free wifi, free breakfast, usually a pool, coffee all day, and one of my favorite features: the complimentary makeup remover cloths, all make for a perfectly nice stay.

Raleigh/Durham RDU

This might be my favorite airport. Modern, gorgeous. Small enough to get through security quickly--large enough to have a Starbucks, good eats and a secondhand bookstore (thank you to the are colleges and academics, no doubt). The seat configurations in the waiting areas are fantastic AND they all have powerstrips, so no more fighting over the one exposed outlet! The only drawbacks I'm seeing are the fact that some car rentals are offsite and when you return you have to go up an escalator with your luggage to get to the ticketing area (well, you could take the elevator, but in the ideal scenario they are all on the same level. Even still, at least the escalator has widened steps to accommodate luggage. This is a thoughtfully laid-out airport. j'adore j'adore!

Hilton Garden Inn

My Hilton Garden Inn doesn't have regular toiletries, instead they have installed a dispenser with conditioner, shampoo, and soap. One the one hand, I was slightly sad that I couldn't steal the toiletries per usual, especially since they are Neutrogena. But, on the other hand it is certainly more environmentally friendly, and those Neutrogena bottles were a major PIA to open, and I need more conditioner than that for my hair ANYWAY. So, good on you HGI.

Would it be weird to say that I think the material they use for their comforter or sheets causes me to sweat? Has anyone else experienced this?

Short observations from Denver and Chicago 7/29/10

1. There is an unexpected, but mesmerizing, art installation in the Denver airport hidden in the corner where you turn to go from the B80-90s gates into the main B terminal 60s and lower. It has grass and shadows. It's inexplicable, but I sort of love it. (or it might be easily explicable but I don't have time to check it out)

2. Why does the Caribou coffee close so early? narf. If you are going from the B80-90s to the main terminal you'll have to get starbucks if you have a night flight. People, your target clientele has jetlag and/or coffee as the main ingredient replacing water in their veins!

3. The Denver payphone seats all have coveted outlets, but not really enough room to use your laptop easily. whatever, it's good to know when all the terminal outlets are taken.

4. the man who makes the announcements in O'Hare sounds almost exactly like Barack Obama. It always throws me off. "This is your president telling you not to run and and there is no smoking in the main terminal, you need to find a designated smoking area."

5. United, your new 1st class snack box is nasty. The only good things are the olives and, begrudgingly, the chocolate chip cookies, two foods which do not complement each other. Why do the Kettle Chips taste like that? Kettle chips are usually delicious; these taste vaguely automotive. Why would you choose parmesan as your cheese spread? As a cheese lover, I know parmesan is mildly biting at best and offensive at worst. It smells. If you want to be truly offensive, just choose bleu cheese and be done with it. otherwise. garlic and herb. or cheddar. listen to the vox populi of cheese. and the crackers and italian breadsticks are like sawdust.

Better than first class?

Fact. The people in coach are nicer than the people in first. I could give a number of anecdotal stories to support this, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that when I get upgraded to first, the asshole part of my brain increases fivefold. I suddenly feel entitled to things I wasn’t entitled to mere minutes earlier. I become an aisle person instead of a window person. Why? Because I don’t want to ask the jerk on the aisle in first to get up because I know that they felt entitled to being the king (or queen, but sadly first is a big sausage fest still. Oh gender equality, how far away you are) of their domain.

The funny thing about the whole upgrade race is that if you’re flying domestic, with the exception of departing from a large city on a flight that is connecting internationally, first class is kind of like crappy business class from the 80s. It’s generally nice to get the upgrade; you get a good seat, free food (if the flight is long enough), better service, and free Bailey’s (or the a.m. or p.m. cocktail(s) of your choice) in your coffee, sure. And that might be enough for you, along with the pretentious thrill of being able to say, like Fergie, that you are traveling first class up in the sky. But if you really are concerned with comfort, leg room, and not being disturbed when people have to go to the bathroom, the exit row in coach is your secret haven, a weapon you don't even have to get upgraded to use. If you get the window seat you also typically get a few extra inches on the window side because of the indent. This is excellent for sleeping and computer use. Also, unlike first class, you have enough leg room to get out and go to the bathroom without making your seatmates get up. One tip: if the plane has two exit rows in succession (like the airbus 320) the seats in the first of the rows don’t fully recline (I assume because they could potentially block that second exit row if they reclined too far back). In my opinion, still better than first class, all things considered. So, whenever I have the option of choosing my seat at the outset, I always go for exit row window. Sometimes I'm even secretly disappointed to get upgraded.

Currently I am in O’Hare hijacking a precious electrical outlet. Not only have many a laptop holder looked at me with sad longing, but even a few pilots (suck it, captains) have seen with great disappointment that I have found and dominated this scarce resource. I should probably offer to share. But I’ve been upgraded to first on my next flight.

Auburn, Maine

Have you ever looked out the plane window and seen another plane whizzing by? It’s so crazy to feel like you are going so slow and then see another plane, just like yours, and get the perspective of what 400/mph means.

Anyway, Auburn, Maine. I had never been to Maine, and honestly wasn’t sure what to expect. The natural beauty outside the airport was incredible. But let’s start low and go high and talk about the airport first. The airport in Portland is totally underwhelming. First, the whole airport inexplicably has lots of grades. You have to walk uphill from the plane to the terminal (and then on departure, downhill down to the plane—which is annoying when your bag gets ahead of you) and you also have to walk downhill to the rental cars…and uphill when you return the rental. So that’s less than ideal. And security? Wow, what a clusterf*&! I felt like I was back in Thailand except with more respect for the concept of lines. They were calling my flight while I was still in the security line. And let me be a total frequent flier snob and say I was annoyed at the lack of frequent flier line, but I guess that just gives me compassion and insight into what everyone at the Portland airport is dealing with. Which is chaos! Yeah, that needs to be fixed. And who schedules so many flights at 5:40am. Shouldn’t that be illegal?

That said, let’s move on to pleasanter things. Since I had a few hours of light left to me, thanks begrudgingly to daylight savings time having just gone into effect, I decided to head to the coast to see a few lighthouses. The Head lighthouse was commissioned by George Washington and looks every bit the quintessential lighthouse being white with a little window on each side and a constant foghorn blowing. There’s also a rock commemorating a boat crash and the sea there is so wild and the coast so unforgiving, it is easy to imagine a ship losing control and just going to pieces on the rocks. From the Head Lighthouse you can see another lighthouse on the coast, so they call it two lighthouses. On Shore Rd on the way to the lighthouses, there’s a charming place called the Buttered Biscuit that has delicious take home meals, desserts, snacks, and wine. I had a yummy crab cake with garlic aoli that had whole cloves of garlic! I put it on their cheddar chive biscuits, which were also fabulous. For dinner I went to a place called Joe’s Boathouse, which was suggested by the owner of the Buttered Biscuit. Joe’s Boathouse is literally in a shipyard with all sorts of boats tied up and looks like a place mobsters would go to dump bodies. But inside the restaurant is perfectly warm and delightful. I decided to have lobster there. I had been told that there is a lobster season (and March isn’t it) but then I was also told that you can’t go wrong ordering lobster in Maine. So I went for it. I can’t say that I could taste any discernible difference between the lobster I ate there and lobster I have had elsewhere, but it was still absolutely delicious. The staffers were very attentive and familial—it seemed like most of the clientele knew each other. Everyone was even given amazing homemade cake from someone’s birthday celebration because there was extra leftover. I ordered lobster pasta to go and that was excellent, even reheated.

I drove up the toll road to get to Auburn. Getting one of those EZ passes is essential in areas with toll roads because, if you’re anything like me you don’t ever carry cash. Ever. And certainly not coins, for the love of all things holy. And if you are lucky enough to have to drive through some of the unmanned toll booths then you or your company will get a bill for the tolls a month or two later potentially with added fees as they accuse you of trying to evade the toll.
In Auburn I stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn, which had a beautiful view of some raging falls and was in easy walking distance of a few restaurants and stores. Gritty McDuff's restaurant had some delicious offerings so I went there a few times. The best awesomeness was in the form of sweet potato fries covered in pulled pork, cheddar cheese and maple sauce. Holy God. So good.

Cleveland for 5 days

So you find out you have to go to Cleveland for work. Major sad trombone (http://www.sadtrombone.com/) goes off in your head. Frankly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (probably due to the magical influence of LeBron James), but it’s still pretty lame. Still, I will try to pick out some highlights.

Cleveland feels strange. It feels like a city that should be larger or was larger at some point. SO it’s the bones of a large city. The buildings have an importance that I didn’t really get from the population, like maybe the population of Providence should be moved there to help fit the vibe of the buildings better. I stayed at the Embassy Suites—score Hilton Honors points. The room was nearly as big as my condo and in good repair, so that was kind of great. Embassy Suites can be pretty cool (though occasionally ghetto in décor and upkeep) because of the made to order complimentary breakfast; though being a night person, I almost never get there to eat it before my training sessions. But my trainees thought it was the bee’s knees, so there you go. This particular Embassy Suites…I would recommend it, but there were occasionally smells. Like a sewer smell emanating from the bathroom area near the training room. And the training room was too hot every day despite calling engineering about it…every day. There was a sketchy underground mall with a sports bar and grocery store right outside the hotel, so that was fine for trainee lunches. And the smells of the Subway sandwiches next door waft through the front of the building. The best lunch find was this tiny little deli in the IMG building a few blocks away. Cash only, run by one woman who makes everything herself, it seems, and tries to be organic in her offerings. It was some of the best chicken salad and chicken and dumpling soup I have ever had. So unexpected from the look of the place. And you owe it to your life to get one of the chocolate pecan cookies if she has them. Holy God.

The food word of the trip was pierogies, which can apparently be attributed to the large Slavic population in the area. There is even an area called Slavic Village and there are onion-domed churches visible from the freeway to the airport, which is a treat, onion domes being one of the all-time best architectural features. For dinner one of my trainees found a place called Melt that does grownup grilled cheese sandwiches. The one I chose was a grilled cheese sandwich with pierogies on it.

Crazy right? I dug it, though the textures were funky and there was a celeryish flavor on the lettuce that was overwhelming. Also, crazy enough, the chili cheese on the fries--made the fries worse. This has never happened to me, but seriously, the chili is like too high class to be put on fries and it sucked. But the tofu with bbq sauce was delicious. And I actually dug the enormous pierogies on their own. Now, the hour and a half wait on a weeknight? yeah I probably wouldn’t do that again. The place that I ended up loving most (well, maybe tied with the little deli in the IMG building) also had a pierogie element to it; Tucky’s, which was a few doors down from the hotel. They have some great hot dogs, one of which is the Cleveland dog, which is served with stadium mustard and fried pierogies on top. YES! Super good. Also tantalizing was the pretzelogna sandwich, a garlic bologna and cheese grilled sandwich on a soft pretzel. Wow. So awesome (for me but maybe not my neighbors afterward!). But that pretty much sums up the best part of Cleveland to me. In my job as ambassador to friends and family everywhere I went to Ethiopian food with my friend Karina’s parents at a place called Empress Taytu. It had some decent food. I sort of loved the juxtaposition of the Ethiopian huts and sunken straw basket tables that was all built up in a 1920s building with white crown molding. The Ethiopian music videos were also hilarious and sort of hypnotic in their homemade way. Also interesting was the empty corridor of road we drove getting from the hotel to the restaurant. There were lots of empty, sad buildings and factories.

I was going to go to the rock and roll hall of fame, and then I didn’t because I had a good book to finish. The Hall stays open til 9pm on Wednesdays. But I hear that it really deserves like 5-6 hours and I had 2 hours and it’s a 22 dollar admission fee. SO maybe it isn’t the best after-work activity. My trainees thought it was great, though. The building was designed by IM Pei to look both like a record player and the neck of a guitar. I went by it and also went to see the infamous Cuyahoga River, which once caught on fire because it was so polluted. Burn on, big river. Makes me want to watch Major League!

spirit of the red horse and the grand canyon

One thing to remember when you fly is to try and figure out which side of the plane awesome natural sights will be out of. It's a major bummer to be sitting on the right side of the plane flying from San Diego to Chicago and have the captain say "on the lefthand side of the plane you are going to get a good look at the Grand Canyon." A quick trip to google maps can help with this. Anyway, it's something I do so that when I make my reservations I choose seats on the side that will probably have better views. Then again, I love window seats and staring out of said windows.

What is up with the Spirit of the Red Horse stores? Is there really that much demand for dreamcatchers? Or like, you get to the airport and realize you forgot your lucky amulet and miniature medicine man? Oh no, my turquoise jewelry! I left it all at home. If only there were a place for me to buy a whole new collection... Anyway, this store totally baffles me. It would still baffle me but be somewhat understandable in, say, New Mexico or Arizona. But...Chicago? Baltimore? Philly?

Chicago O'Hare

If O'Hare's goal for my life today was to exercise my short limbs, they succeeded parlessly. A system glitch and 2 gate changes. Because my frequent flier miles are with United, I have become intimately acquainted with the layout and quirks of O'Hare. For people who don't travel through here much, this airport is maddening, but familiarity makes it more homey. I realized I had passed that point when I deplaned and looked at the screen and automatically a) knew that I was headed to Crapville, O'Hare because my flight was out of the F terminal and b) turned right and started cataloguing the food options I knew were on the way between B and F. That includes, by the way, 3 starbucks, auntie anne's pretzels, mcdonalds, johnny rockets, chili's too, a lackluster wolfgang puck, a few Hudson News stands, the le vosges chocolate stand, a brioche doree, and two pizza/chicago hot dog stands.

Let's talk about the F terminal. If you fly into C or B you are in a high-ceilinged corridor lined with chicago-themed stores and a plethora of food options. It's busy, but light and generally navigable. As you head through the corridor toward the E and F gates suddenly everything becomes very LaGuardian; the ceilings get lower and the halls get about 15 feet narrower despite not seeming to have any fewer passengers. Today the temperature also felt like it went up at least 10 degrees. Maybe because there were just as many people and less space for all that body heat to escape. Anyway, it heightens the sense that you are heading into the bowels of hell. Also, previously decent stores and food options slowly fade away until all you have in a 10 gate radius is a Brookstone and a Hudson News. It seems the F terminal only really services flights to unenticing places and they have fashioned the terminal to reflect everyone's eventual destination. The only good thing that has ever come out of the F terminal in my experience was that Cal Ripken Jr.'s flight to the College World Series was delayed and I got a picture with him.

The E terminal has a little more to recommend itself, a Starbucks, bookstore, and a Fox Sports hub that, currently, has one tv playing Dora and Diego's adventure to Antarctica. Maybe it's less busy and that's why it seems lighter and slightly less heinous than the F.

Highlights of O'Hare would be the cool Rhapsody in Blue light extravaganze in the underpass between the C and B terminals and then the decorative benches (one is of the Van Gogh painting Bedroom in Arles) and glass decorations hanging from the ceiling in the space leading from B to E,F.

I have actually been fairly impressed by O'Hare. When I first started traveling regularly for work people were lamenting my choice of United because of the Chicago and Denver hubs and those cities' penchant for craptacular weather. But I have actually only had one flight cancelled for weather. Today I am flying to Cleveland. Stop the envy. My airplane is currently sitting on the tarmac at Colorado Springs. You always know a delay is caused by another airport when you see plenty of planes taking off and landing around you and only your flight is mysteriously delayed by like 4 hours.

Houston

First time flying through Houston. This airport has a lot going for it with a few major drawbacks. One major plus is that there are shops and a variety of eating options everywhere. That’s always nice. After walking through a goodly portion of the airport to get to my gate (drawback), I know that the next time I come here I won’t feel like “oh man, last chance for food and gas for 20 miles” which is what I feel in many airports that have only one major food court or kiosk and then have almost nothing down by the gates. And the options are good, they aren’t all totally random untrustable airport vendor crap. There’s a La Salsa, a Panda Express, and a number of pizza and Frenchy sandwich shops. Coffee in the form of Starbucks and Peet’s is plentiful.

The signage could be better. I was trying to get from the E terminal to the B terminal and somewhere in the C terminal I completely lost the signage for the B terminal. I was so confused I had to sit down at a quasi-French wine bar to eat lunch and ask for directions (the other immediate source for direction would have been the Spirit of the Red Horse store personnel. More on that in a minute.) It’s not as dire as it seems. If you do find yourself at Le Grand Comptoir in the C terminal in Houston, the chicken, apple, and brie crepe is fairly delicious (I would go lighter on the bland cream sauce) and comes with a nice mixed greens side salad. It’s a pretty good deal for a gourmet-ish meal at around 11 bucks. I can’t vouch for any wines because I can’t drink wine mid-day or I will be sleepy the rest of the day and I needed to be awake for my long drive to the middle of nowhere, Mississippi late in the day.

Later on in the journey to the B Terminal, I ran across the Beauty Lounge. The ladies were really nice, they offered help initially, but didn’t hover as I slathered on expensive anti-aging creams and mixed a bunch of Armani perfumes (this is a bad idea. I am now choking on my own weird smell.) But I appreciate that if you are going to leave out exorbitantly expensive samples, you allow people to try them on liberally instead of nagging them to death and forcing them to pretend they really want to buy the full line of Lancome collagen-enhancer products while in the airport. The main downside of this airport is the weird setup. Why did I have to walk half a mile to take a train to a different terminal? This could have been done better. If I have to take trains, I want more stops. If I have to walk, I want more moving walkways. I know, I know, I bitch about Phoenix Sky Harbor and their interminable moving walkways, but it would be infinitely worse if they didn’t even have said walkways. So, while I am glad that there are plentiful options for food, drink, and buying of beauty and entertainment products on my walk between terminals, I would appreciate if that walk weren’t quite so long and unfacilitated.

Champaign and Chicago

I am in Chicago having a very fabulously Chicago day. This is rapidly becoming my favorite city in the US (besides San Diego). It's walkable, has delicious food, and probably the best art museum in the country in the Chicago Art Institute. It ranks up with the Hermitage and the Musee D'Orsay as my favorite art museums in this whole wide world.
I am now comfortably ensconced in the Blackstone, which, if a hotel could be considered a spiritual home, would be my spiritual home. I will show you rather than tell you why:




I love it so much I am actually trying to make the bathroom at my condo look like the Blackstone bathroom. They also have recently started using Aveda bath products, which I am hoarding like any good traveler does with high quality bathroom products. That's so that when I go places like the Hampton Inn, which I love except for their lackluster blue Crabtree and Evelyn toiletries, I can indulge a bit.

Anyway, depending on whether points or luxury are most important to you, you can let your company make a reservation and since the Blackstone is a Marriott brand hotel you have a chance of getting to the concierge level (oh la la), or just get the points. I almost always go for the latter but that's because I'm trying to fund the accommodations for a trip to Spain. They also have a great, sort of pricey wine bar called Mercat. Some fun, delicious offerings there. I got a cheese plate with various dipping sauces. My favorite, being hilariously disconcerting, was the roasted garlic dulce de leche sauce.

Today for breakfast I went to the Bongo room, which is on Roosevelt and Wabash on the South Loop. Um, yeah, that's the thing to do for breakfast, my friends. I was dreadinng having to choose between sweet and savory when the waitress told me I could get any pancake or french toast in a one slice size vs a whole order. so that would be what I did. I got the roasted red pepper, feta, and spinach eggs benedict and a slice of brown sugar brioche french toast. The eggs benedict was ridiculously good, truly the best hollandaise sauce I have ever had, a very generous portion with a mountain of potatoes that, if it weren't still so close to New Year's resolution time when I decided to make an effort at self-control, would have been annihilated to the pain of my tummy. The french toast was great, not necessarily something I felt like I couldn't have gotten elsewhere, but still excellent.

Atlanta Westin for 3 days

Some people love the Atlanta airport. I am not one of them. I guess I am not easy to please in airport design. Much as I don't love the long straight lines of places like Phoenix Sky Harbor, I am also chagrined at places that force me to take subway systems and then walk. With Atlanta it felt like too long a wait and too long a ride. and what's up with that creepy Ant sculpture? I get it AtlANTa, but yuck. Anyway, I was pretty stoked that I remembered that at the baggage claim there is only one exit towards the cabs. Also good to know is that you have to pay the little cab office first if you are using credit card and it's a flat rate to wherever you are going. Nice way to reduce gouging.

I stayed at the Westin in downtown ATL, the rooms of which were quite nice, though the building has a lot of energy coming off it. No, not new age voodoo energy, but like, actual movement. I was checking out the horrific dueling mirrors that gave me a view of my backside in its full glory, and the mirrors were vibrating the whole time. This same feeling persisted in the room when there was a storm raging outside. This is the hotel whose windows were ripped off when a tornado swooped through the very middle of the highway into downtown. Anyway, totally nice hotel, The Cafe restaurant was way too pricey for entrees. The bar made a delicious dirty martini with a twist. They have a rough time regulating the inside temperature because of their enormous atrium. Anyway, I had to get a fedex package delivered and they charged me a 5 dollar delivery fee. 5 dollars to get my package delivered to me, that's in addition to the fedex fee. seriously? what is that? They also charged our company 10 dollars a box for a receiving fee. Anyway, it's not worth all that. Last time I was here I stayed at the Omni at the CNN Center and don't remember any weird delivery fees. They also had a large foodcourt downstairs. So, for what I'm guessing is about the same price, I would definitely go with the Omni.

Airplane etiquette and SFO

People decide to do some pretty awesome things on airplanes. For instance, the man next to me right now has decided to take off his shoes and thoroughly, and I mean thoroughly, massage his besocked feet. He has also asked me to move my leg so he can put down the middle tray table so he can rest his drink there while he continues to massage his feet. This led me to think of other things people do on airplanes that are out of bounds.

Putting on nail polish. Really? We are in a tiny tube with recycled air and you are touching up your nails? I love a pregnant whiff of chemicals as much as the next girl, but only when surrounded by my favorite Vietnamese nail techs. Not ok.

Listening to your iPod or dvd player at full volume. On one flight I had a dude one row ahead of me who had forgotten his earphones and was watching a dvd anyway. No headphones. What a hero. Funny enough, I didn’t go see Death Race in the theater for a reason, and I don’t want to overhear it now. Most times people just forget to plug in their headphones and you just have to nudge them after staring awkwardly at the other passengers near you to make sure you aren’t being too sensitive. Teenagers, however, are amazing at their capacity for volume even avec earphones. I mean, how can I hear your Miley Cyrus even with engine background noise? I hate being forced to be the cranky lady next to someone who asks them if they can turn it down.

submitted by Adrienne: My favorite is people trimming their nails and letting the nails fall on the floor. Why do people think this is ok to do in public? I have now seen or heard of this being done in airport waiting areas, doctor's offices and of course at work.


SFO
Has anyone else noticed how totally lame SFO is despite being in one of the top 5 coolest cities in America? Stores are lackluster--I looked at the full map listing just to be sure. And yeah, I am. There is a minimum of natural light. They have the offensive inward swinging bathroom doors. There is no Starbucks (which isn't bad in and of itself, but there are not commensurately good or pentiful enough subsstitutes) and San Fran certainly ahs enough awesome local coffee options to sub in, but they are NOT using them. The ceiling has fluorescent lights and lame popcorn tiles. Boo. They do have a Body Shop for antiaging. Where are my organic food markets and napa valley wine selections? I need a cheese shop, stat. As it is I will settle for their whoop-de-crap of a Gordon Biersch. A sad place to spend a football Sunday.

Lucky for SFO I am heading up to SeaTac, which, unless it has been remodeled in the last year, is also a big yawnicus maximus of an airport for serving such a fantastic city. Hasn't been remodeled. On further observation, I actually I like the generally easy access whereby you just pop downstairs and catch a tram and don't have to walk for 50 miles (United). But the ceilings are so low. Like they are replicating they stifling gray of the outside world. Boo. Come on Seattle, be cool!

Portland for the Lady of the Evening

And by Lady of the Evening I mean, lady who works all day and can only enjoy Portland in the evening. Disappointed? Maybe I can tempt you with the foreknowledge of multiple evening foodgasms at various Portland eateries. Yes, food so good it feels almost wrong to eat it in public. I wonder if the fact that Portland is a haven of every subset of liberalism leads to more interesting and higher quality food? What would happen if people actively didnt eat food that wasn't sustainable or organic, like if it were a bad business proposition to serve it? I think the result is tasty Portland. The city has a really cozy vibe. I was really excited to visit for the first time because my favorite now-defunct band (sleater-kinney) is from there and they have immortalized it and its hipster pub-trivianess in song. And it *is* super hipster. You can't swing a dead cat and not hit a person wearing skinny jeans and a trendy palestinian-inspired scarf. But it's also like a lot of interconnected small town main streets (except for the Pearl district which is an actual downtown glass jungle.) And my trainees were by far the most compassionate (yes, PC liberals) toward low income families that I have run across.

Anyway, I can't say much about the natural beauty except for seeing lovely snowy mountains on descent into the airport (which violates my rule about being too long with too many moving walkways), but which has some weird wonderland area and some fun local eateries in it. Here's what I *can* write about:

The wee small hours of the morning. Let's talk coffee. I read about Portland eschewing chain coffee (Starbucks as public enemy number 1) and chain everything for the most part, in favor of independent stores. So while I don't buy into the Starbucks hate because of my stint working there and being covered by health benefits as a part-timer, (and neither did my trainees apparently, because at least 3 of them brought in ye olde evil empire coffee every day) I still wanted to try to keep it local as far as my daily brew. This was more difficult than I expected because my daily route from Multnomah to Hollywood was strangely void of coffee establishments. Day 1 I tried the Cafe D'Arte right by my hotel and their espresso was decent but slightly bitter. I liked that they didnt have a set americano size, so I got a smaller cup with less water. I asked my trainees where I could get coffee in the Hollywood district the next day. They said Starbucks. wrong. so I asked for anything not Starbucks. They said "there is a coffee shop next to the Trader Joe's", which, upon further examination, was a Panera Bread. This is like when my father used to tell us how much he enjoyed going to "the sandwich shop" where they knew him and exactly how he liked his sandwich, and when we went to visit him we realized "the sandwich shop" was the Subway across the street. After tenacious investigation (aka driving away from the Panera Bread) I found the Aliviar Coffee Shop. Their americano totally seduced me for the rest of the week. They gave me some expert explanation of their two bean blend roast yadda yadda. All I know is it was cheap and I didn't have to sweeten it because the espresso was so smooth. I actively miss it. The other nice strong brew I had was Stumptown, which was great for an evening pick-me-up.

Let's talk food. Oh man, ready yourselves because I ate my way through Portland. They are 5 pounds lighter. I am not.

Let's start with breakfast, which is simple because after I had Grand Central pastries I never wanted anything else. Ever. Buttery crunchy scones soft and slightly sweet inside, that includes both the raisin and the ones filled with raspberry jam (which had been slightly carmelized). I had a flaky mushroom pastry--which made me totally rethink savory morning pastries, chocolate and plain croissants, cinnamon apple bread--oh so moist!, and cookies. They all rivaled the best of their kind I have ever had anywhere. Including in Paris.

Lunch: I had some incredible Thai Food at Sweet Basil, which was close to our training site. The Sweet Basil chicken, which is ground chicken with sweet basil and peppers and scallions was a personal favorite. The 2 item lunch special is so the way to go. We also ordered out from a Balkan food place called the 2 Brothers Cafe owned by the uncle of one of my trainees. It was totally delicious and fairly unique as far as cuisines I have tried. I asked if it was like Russian food and I was told it was not at all like Russian food (but it's kind of like Russian food). I had a chavapi which is a half a pita-esque bread (but way moister) filled with flavorful sausages. very simple. very delicious. comes with sour cream, which really sets it off (not Russian at all). Also comes with this red pepper paste which is delicious. I also had their ghoulash which was good, but actually TOO meaty for me. I would have preferred more veggies, but again the flavor was hearty and delicious--satisfied my soup craving for the day. The word for 2 Brothers was definitely flavorful, not spicy at all. Sweet Basil--flavorful and, if you don't take their hotness grading system seriously, verrry spicy.

Dinner: Flew in Sunday and grabbed dinner at Burgerville, which I had heard was potentially better than In-n-Out. I wouldn't say better exactly, but having far more interesting offerings than In-n-Out or other typical burger places? absolutely. I had the peppercorn bacon burger. yummy. and SWEET POTATO FRIES at the drive-thru? heavenly. Keeping it low and greasy, another night I partook of VooDoo Donuts for dinner. VooDoo Donuts are rad, but not necessarily because they *taste* better than other donuts. They are definitely tasty, don't get me wrong, but their real delight comes in the fantastically colored Willy Wonka presentation and unique flavors of the donuts. The maple bacon was my favorite (just a nice, dense maple glazed bar with bacon on top) but the lemon chiffon, chocolate peanut butter fritter, and voodoo donut (a voodoo doll made of chocolate glazed donut filled with raspberry jam and with a little voodoo pretzel in his heart) were also excellent. and they were each, as my friend Camille put it, "the size of an ottoman".
Monday dinner was at the Bread and Ink Cafe, a real gem of a place with a good fixed price menu. Garlic cheese bread with tomato basil sauce was exactly as expected. Their bread is dense as a hockey puck, still moist, but crazy dense, so my recommendation would be to lay off. My spaghetti was the real star. Fresh spaghetti with bacon and arugula in a chevre (goat cheese) and garlic cream sauce....foodgasm! yesssss. and terrific reheated. the dessert, a chocolate ganache covered ricotta pound cake with candied citrus was pretty fantastic too. I actually had it for breakfast the next morning because I was too full that night and I also have no regard for traditional food rules. I am typically not a huge fan of candied citrus or citrus and chocolate, but this was melt in the mouth good with a very subtle citrus flavor. The last dinner exploit to share was at the Three Doors Down cafe. (a lot of these restaurants seem to have the word "cafe" in them, which creates an expectation of casualness that is incorrect.) I decided to go to this restaurant because one of the owners and chefs is the brother of my former radio cohost, Steve, in Taiwan. First, when I mentioned Steve's name I got special attention because they all love Steve and wish he would move to Portland. Adorable. And I got a free appetizer of parnsip puree and goat cheese bruschetta that was not only tasty, but exciting because I have always wanted to know what parsnip puree tasted like (because they mention it all the time on Top Chef). For those who don't know, it's slightly sweet and carroty.) I also had grilled radicchio wrapped in pancetta and covered in gorgonzola basil sauce. mmmmmmmmmm. (as long as you can handle the bitterness of the radicchio). For dinner I had pan-roasted white fish on top of french lentils, mushrooms, celery root, pancetta (tastes bacony), and spinach in a truffle cream sauce. It was RIDICULOUS. Fireworks in my brain. Foodgasms, paroxysms of foodgasms. not kidding. The flavors were so well-balanced, each bite was layered...Oh glory. Then again, I love lentils. And then I got to meet Steve's brother who looks virtually nothing like him, but *sounds* exactly like him. crazy.

Activities. There are famous rose gardens in Portland. Don't go there at night even when people tell you they are "lit up." Not really. You can still have the life affirming "I stopped and smelled the roses" experience and get a nice view of the city, I guess. That takes about 10 minutes. But then you should hie your ass down the hill to Powell's City of Books which is probably Portland's best extracurricular activity. It's not just "childrens", it's elementary and junior high and Newbery award winners and Caldecott award winners and so on. Used and new all intermingling. warm fuzzies. I spent an entire evening in the stacks of various departments. Anyway, I also went shopping *no sales tax in Oregon!* on the NW side on 23rd and went into a few boutiques and Lush and Paper Source. Upon realizing that what my mother said, "that's 10% right off the bat" was true, I did most of my christmas shopping.

Accommodations. The Residence Inn was fine, but it looks like a condo complex and has no elevator, which *blows* when carrying luggage. I said I couldnt stay there if they had non 1st floor units. They did, but beware.

Bicyclists . There are lots of them and they don't care about you and your impaired dusk eyesight, oh wasteful car dweller. again, beware.

Sacramento, terminal A layover...quiet haven of the domestic traveler

Oh Sacramento airport, I didn’t expect this from you, no not at all. I feel sort of blushing and embarrassed and like I need to spend some more time with you and, I don’t know, apologize for assuming you would be as beige and boring as the city you serve. But I am so wrong. Your A terminal is…light and airy. Two ladies have rolled past me in Segways. Your food court shames other food courts. It wasn’t like the usual political race, choosing the best of the unknown and greasy worst. I actually love La Salsa and CPK, while sort of merely enjoying burger king, and quiznos, but I decided to go with the untried Lemongrass which promised fresh Asian cuisine. I chose the spicy Thai noodle soup Ko Sui (or whatever.) It appears that my mouth is a better (though slightly scalded) place for it. I have now burned my tongue ladling your coconut curry broth with big pieces of white meat chicken into my mouth. I am addicted to your flavor and can’t stop even though I know you might hurt me. I feel like I want another layover with you (airport terminal A and soup respectively), get to know you better. I’m actually a little melancholy now that I realize I won’t be able to enjoy you on my return flight from Portland. In more enjoyable news, I have broken out into a light curry-induced sweat and I’m quite pleased about it.

At the same time, fie on you, Cinnabon! You always try to thwart me at every airport driving my scent sensors into flywheels of temptation. You are the devil’s treat. You have taught me to identify with what crack addicts must feel like when they want their next fix. And for months, months! I have been able to be strong and avoid you. And the only way I have been able to accomplish this feat is the knowledge that one of your cinnamon rolls has like 12000 calories. But now, you have made MINI bites. NOOOOOO. No no no, bite size portions of 1000 calories make you irresistible. I am undone.

El Paso

I am en route to El Paso. That’s right, El Paso, Texas, the border town to Ciudad Juarez the latter of which is the home of many many murders and a very disturbing trend of dead ladies in shallow graves (or completely untraceable graves.) Looks like a fun week of exploring the Embassy Suites is surely ahead. (later update) The hotel guide said that no trip to El Paso would be complete without a trip to Juarez, but my group of 25 trainees all emphatically stressed that I should not go there and that, in so many words, it could complete all my trips ever in life by resulting in death. So don't trust that El Paso Embassy Suites travel guide, is the short summary. You will however, notice that the golden lights of Juarez are particularly beautiful seen from above on the hills of El paso. Also, re: the Embassy Suites, it was a totally decent hotel, not totally top of the line as far as decor, but has a great high ceilinged atrium where you can watch whatever sporting event is on, and free cocktails from like 530-730 pm!

My flight was delayed but rarely do I find myself in so sunny a mood. Maybe it's the 3 days of exercise last week or the ridiculous amount of space in my seat right now despite being in coach on a completely full flight. By the way, I need to note which aircraft United is using to fly from Denver to San Diego because it is definitely roomier than their typical craft.) I was also pleasantly surprised that despite San Diego being a complete cluster-f of a fog delay, the United staff took a page from Southwest and were actually being jokey and lighthearted versus their usual humorless menopausal vibe.

Does anyone know if seltzer water is as good for you as non-carbonated water? I do prefer it so and I always get that with a lime when flying.

The El Paso airport is surprisingly nice and has a few Mexican restaurants (Carlos and Mickeys is apparently locally famous? My trainees recommended it, but I had already gone to Moe's whcih is also locally famous and suuupper delicious. if you like green chiles the green enchiladas covered with piles of green chiles will be a real delight) and a Starbucks. You don't need to stay out past security to eat at Carlos and Mickeys or get coffee at Starbucks--they have both those and a Pizza Hut after you go through security to the gate area.

My father told me that upon disembarking in El Paso I may want to start crying because it is such a dump of a city. Luckily, past experiences in BFE Louisiana alligator country (aka Marksville) have strengthened me for such a prospect. And actually (updating a few days later) this turns out to not have been the case. I decided to attempt to not mentally check out and just sit in my undies watching football and playing Facebook Scrabble all week, so I looked up some touristy things to do and I actually went out and did them. One night I went on something called the Mission trail and found a bunch of fantastic old churches, one of which is the oldest continually used church in America, The Ysleta Mission(top)—dating back from like 1642. The others, Socorro (middle) and Elizario (bottom) had wonderful architecture. The churches were linked by small towns that might as well just be in the neighboring state of Chihuahua, Mexico. Except marginally safer, I assume. There is an unabashed love of bright jewel toned paints that would be banned by any suburban America HOA and that’s the trail that wends between the missions.








On my way back from the missions I got caught in one of the craziest storms I could ever have imagined. First I came to a stoplight and I thought it was really foggy and then I realized that it was actually sand being blown in such a fury that it made everything in the distance look foggy. The wind was blowing things all over—I found out that two of the public housing developments at the agency I was working with lost their roofs that night! Anyway, then after the windsandstorm, I got caught in a lightning and rain storm that was epically beautiful and hard to drive in. We never get good lightning in San Diego and so I was just on the road watching huge bolts light up the whole sky. It was so beautiful I started applauding in my car. Because I am that person. Sarcastic as hell peppered with childlike wonderment.

Anyway, I also went in search of a famed local establishment called Chico’s Tacos whose tacos are totally weird, and yet completely addictive. They are basically taquitos with piles of cheese, but then you pour this hot, watery, mild salsa on the tacos and it melts the cheese and, I don't know, suddenly elevates to greatness. There are only like 4 Chico's Tacos in El Paso with a very basic menu of tacos, hot dogs, hamburgers and fried. A set of 6 taquitos is 3.86. Highly worthwhile.

Apparently driving 80 miles to see the White Sands National Monument in New Mexico would also be worthwhile, but um, it's closed at night and no you CAN'T see the dunes in the dark. So you should only do this during the day. That may seem obvious to people who have common sense or approach life with a plan, and that is basically not me. Nor is it obvious to a certain dopey Missile Range security guard who urged me to keep going 30 miles to the dunes in the pitch black because "ma'am, they are white, like the lines on the road." yeah, well, even if they are you can't see them from the highway!