Auburn, Maine

Have you ever looked out the plane window and seen another plane whizzing by? It’s so crazy to feel like you are going so slow and then see another plane, just like yours, and get the perspective of what 400/mph means.

Anyway, Auburn, Maine. I had never been to Maine, and honestly wasn’t sure what to expect. The natural beauty outside the airport was incredible. But let’s start low and go high and talk about the airport first. The airport in Portland is totally underwhelming. First, the whole airport inexplicably has lots of grades. You have to walk uphill from the plane to the terminal (and then on departure, downhill down to the plane—which is annoying when your bag gets ahead of you) and you also have to walk downhill to the rental cars…and uphill when you return the rental. So that’s less than ideal. And security? Wow, what a clusterf*&! I felt like I was back in Thailand except with more respect for the concept of lines. They were calling my flight while I was still in the security line. And let me be a total frequent flier snob and say I was annoyed at the lack of frequent flier line, but I guess that just gives me compassion and insight into what everyone at the Portland airport is dealing with. Which is chaos! Yeah, that needs to be fixed. And who schedules so many flights at 5:40am. Shouldn’t that be illegal?

That said, let’s move on to pleasanter things. Since I had a few hours of light left to me, thanks begrudgingly to daylight savings time having just gone into effect, I decided to head to the coast to see a few lighthouses. The Head lighthouse was commissioned by George Washington and looks every bit the quintessential lighthouse being white with a little window on each side and a constant foghorn blowing. There’s also a rock commemorating a boat crash and the sea there is so wild and the coast so unforgiving, it is easy to imagine a ship losing control and just going to pieces on the rocks. From the Head Lighthouse you can see another lighthouse on the coast, so they call it two lighthouses. On Shore Rd on the way to the lighthouses, there’s a charming place called the Buttered Biscuit that has delicious take home meals, desserts, snacks, and wine. I had a yummy crab cake with garlic aoli that had whole cloves of garlic! I put it on their cheddar chive biscuits, which were also fabulous. For dinner I went to a place called Joe’s Boathouse, which was suggested by the owner of the Buttered Biscuit. Joe’s Boathouse is literally in a shipyard with all sorts of boats tied up and looks like a place mobsters would go to dump bodies. But inside the restaurant is perfectly warm and delightful. I decided to have lobster there. I had been told that there is a lobster season (and March isn’t it) but then I was also told that you can’t go wrong ordering lobster in Maine. So I went for it. I can’t say that I could taste any discernible difference between the lobster I ate there and lobster I have had elsewhere, but it was still absolutely delicious. The staffers were very attentive and familial—it seemed like most of the clientele knew each other. Everyone was even given amazing homemade cake from someone’s birthday celebration because there was extra leftover. I ordered lobster pasta to go and that was excellent, even reheated.

I drove up the toll road to get to Auburn. Getting one of those EZ passes is essential in areas with toll roads because, if you’re anything like me you don’t ever carry cash. Ever. And certainly not coins, for the love of all things holy. And if you are lucky enough to have to drive through some of the unmanned toll booths then you or your company will get a bill for the tolls a month or two later potentially with added fees as they accuse you of trying to evade the toll.
In Auburn I stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn, which had a beautiful view of some raging falls and was in easy walking distance of a few restaurants and stores. Gritty McDuff's restaurant had some delicious offerings so I went there a few times. The best awesomeness was in the form of sweet potato fries covered in pulled pork, cheddar cheese and maple sauce. Holy God. So good.

Cleveland for 5 days

So you find out you have to go to Cleveland for work. Major sad trombone (http://www.sadtrombone.com/) goes off in your head. Frankly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (probably due to the magical influence of LeBron James), but it’s still pretty lame. Still, I will try to pick out some highlights.

Cleveland feels strange. It feels like a city that should be larger or was larger at some point. SO it’s the bones of a large city. The buildings have an importance that I didn’t really get from the population, like maybe the population of Providence should be moved there to help fit the vibe of the buildings better. I stayed at the Embassy Suites—score Hilton Honors points. The room was nearly as big as my condo and in good repair, so that was kind of great. Embassy Suites can be pretty cool (though occasionally ghetto in décor and upkeep) because of the made to order complimentary breakfast; though being a night person, I almost never get there to eat it before my training sessions. But my trainees thought it was the bee’s knees, so there you go. This particular Embassy Suites…I would recommend it, but there were occasionally smells. Like a sewer smell emanating from the bathroom area near the training room. And the training room was too hot every day despite calling engineering about it…every day. There was a sketchy underground mall with a sports bar and grocery store right outside the hotel, so that was fine for trainee lunches. And the smells of the Subway sandwiches next door waft through the front of the building. The best lunch find was this tiny little deli in the IMG building a few blocks away. Cash only, run by one woman who makes everything herself, it seems, and tries to be organic in her offerings. It was some of the best chicken salad and chicken and dumpling soup I have ever had. So unexpected from the look of the place. And you owe it to your life to get one of the chocolate pecan cookies if she has them. Holy God.

The food word of the trip was pierogies, which can apparently be attributed to the large Slavic population in the area. There is even an area called Slavic Village and there are onion-domed churches visible from the freeway to the airport, which is a treat, onion domes being one of the all-time best architectural features. For dinner one of my trainees found a place called Melt that does grownup grilled cheese sandwiches. The one I chose was a grilled cheese sandwich with pierogies on it.

Crazy right? I dug it, though the textures were funky and there was a celeryish flavor on the lettuce that was overwhelming. Also, crazy enough, the chili cheese on the fries--made the fries worse. This has never happened to me, but seriously, the chili is like too high class to be put on fries and it sucked. But the tofu with bbq sauce was delicious. And I actually dug the enormous pierogies on their own. Now, the hour and a half wait on a weeknight? yeah I probably wouldn’t do that again. The place that I ended up loving most (well, maybe tied with the little deli in the IMG building) also had a pierogie element to it; Tucky’s, which was a few doors down from the hotel. They have some great hot dogs, one of which is the Cleveland dog, which is served with stadium mustard and fried pierogies on top. YES! Super good. Also tantalizing was the pretzelogna sandwich, a garlic bologna and cheese grilled sandwich on a soft pretzel. Wow. So awesome (for me but maybe not my neighbors afterward!). But that pretty much sums up the best part of Cleveland to me. In my job as ambassador to friends and family everywhere I went to Ethiopian food with my friend Karina’s parents at a place called Empress Taytu. It had some decent food. I sort of loved the juxtaposition of the Ethiopian huts and sunken straw basket tables that was all built up in a 1920s building with white crown molding. The Ethiopian music videos were also hilarious and sort of hypnotic in their homemade way. Also interesting was the empty corridor of road we drove getting from the hotel to the restaurant. There were lots of empty, sad buildings and factories.

I was going to go to the rock and roll hall of fame, and then I didn’t because I had a good book to finish. The Hall stays open til 9pm on Wednesdays. But I hear that it really deserves like 5-6 hours and I had 2 hours and it’s a 22 dollar admission fee. SO maybe it isn’t the best after-work activity. My trainees thought it was great, though. The building was designed by IM Pei to look both like a record player and the neck of a guitar. I went by it and also went to see the infamous Cuyahoga River, which once caught on fire because it was so polluted. Burn on, big river. Makes me want to watch Major League!

spirit of the red horse and the grand canyon

One thing to remember when you fly is to try and figure out which side of the plane awesome natural sights will be out of. It's a major bummer to be sitting on the right side of the plane flying from San Diego to Chicago and have the captain say "on the lefthand side of the plane you are going to get a good look at the Grand Canyon." A quick trip to google maps can help with this. Anyway, it's something I do so that when I make my reservations I choose seats on the side that will probably have better views. Then again, I love window seats and staring out of said windows.

What is up with the Spirit of the Red Horse stores? Is there really that much demand for dreamcatchers? Or like, you get to the airport and realize you forgot your lucky amulet and miniature medicine man? Oh no, my turquoise jewelry! I left it all at home. If only there were a place for me to buy a whole new collection... Anyway, this store totally baffles me. It would still baffle me but be somewhat understandable in, say, New Mexico or Arizona. But...Chicago? Baltimore? Philly?

Chicago O'Hare

If O'Hare's goal for my life today was to exercise my short limbs, they succeeded parlessly. A system glitch and 2 gate changes. Because my frequent flier miles are with United, I have become intimately acquainted with the layout and quirks of O'Hare. For people who don't travel through here much, this airport is maddening, but familiarity makes it more homey. I realized I had passed that point when I deplaned and looked at the screen and automatically a) knew that I was headed to Crapville, O'Hare because my flight was out of the F terminal and b) turned right and started cataloguing the food options I knew were on the way between B and F. That includes, by the way, 3 starbucks, auntie anne's pretzels, mcdonalds, johnny rockets, chili's too, a lackluster wolfgang puck, a few Hudson News stands, the le vosges chocolate stand, a brioche doree, and two pizza/chicago hot dog stands.

Let's talk about the F terminal. If you fly into C or B you are in a high-ceilinged corridor lined with chicago-themed stores and a plethora of food options. It's busy, but light and generally navigable. As you head through the corridor toward the E and F gates suddenly everything becomes very LaGuardian; the ceilings get lower and the halls get about 15 feet narrower despite not seeming to have any fewer passengers. Today the temperature also felt like it went up at least 10 degrees. Maybe because there were just as many people and less space for all that body heat to escape. Anyway, it heightens the sense that you are heading into the bowels of hell. Also, previously decent stores and food options slowly fade away until all you have in a 10 gate radius is a Brookstone and a Hudson News. It seems the F terminal only really services flights to unenticing places and they have fashioned the terminal to reflect everyone's eventual destination. The only good thing that has ever come out of the F terminal in my experience was that Cal Ripken Jr.'s flight to the College World Series was delayed and I got a picture with him.

The E terminal has a little more to recommend itself, a Starbucks, bookstore, and a Fox Sports hub that, currently, has one tv playing Dora and Diego's adventure to Antarctica. Maybe it's less busy and that's why it seems lighter and slightly less heinous than the F.

Highlights of O'Hare would be the cool Rhapsody in Blue light extravaganze in the underpass between the C and B terminals and then the decorative benches (one is of the Van Gogh painting Bedroom in Arles) and glass decorations hanging from the ceiling in the space leading from B to E,F.

I have actually been fairly impressed by O'Hare. When I first started traveling regularly for work people were lamenting my choice of United because of the Chicago and Denver hubs and those cities' penchant for craptacular weather. But I have actually only had one flight cancelled for weather. Today I am flying to Cleveland. Stop the envy. My airplane is currently sitting on the tarmac at Colorado Springs. You always know a delay is caused by another airport when you see plenty of planes taking off and landing around you and only your flight is mysteriously delayed by like 4 hours.

Houston

First time flying through Houston. This airport has a lot going for it with a few major drawbacks. One major plus is that there are shops and a variety of eating options everywhere. That’s always nice. After walking through a goodly portion of the airport to get to my gate (drawback), I know that the next time I come here I won’t feel like “oh man, last chance for food and gas for 20 miles” which is what I feel in many airports that have only one major food court or kiosk and then have almost nothing down by the gates. And the options are good, they aren’t all totally random untrustable airport vendor crap. There’s a La Salsa, a Panda Express, and a number of pizza and Frenchy sandwich shops. Coffee in the form of Starbucks and Peet’s is plentiful.

The signage could be better. I was trying to get from the E terminal to the B terminal and somewhere in the C terminal I completely lost the signage for the B terminal. I was so confused I had to sit down at a quasi-French wine bar to eat lunch and ask for directions (the other immediate source for direction would have been the Spirit of the Red Horse store personnel. More on that in a minute.) It’s not as dire as it seems. If you do find yourself at Le Grand Comptoir in the C terminal in Houston, the chicken, apple, and brie crepe is fairly delicious (I would go lighter on the bland cream sauce) and comes with a nice mixed greens side salad. It’s a pretty good deal for a gourmet-ish meal at around 11 bucks. I can’t vouch for any wines because I can’t drink wine mid-day or I will be sleepy the rest of the day and I needed to be awake for my long drive to the middle of nowhere, Mississippi late in the day.

Later on in the journey to the B Terminal, I ran across the Beauty Lounge. The ladies were really nice, they offered help initially, but didn’t hover as I slathered on expensive anti-aging creams and mixed a bunch of Armani perfumes (this is a bad idea. I am now choking on my own weird smell.) But I appreciate that if you are going to leave out exorbitantly expensive samples, you allow people to try them on liberally instead of nagging them to death and forcing them to pretend they really want to buy the full line of Lancome collagen-enhancer products while in the airport. The main downside of this airport is the weird setup. Why did I have to walk half a mile to take a train to a different terminal? This could have been done better. If I have to take trains, I want more stops. If I have to walk, I want more moving walkways. I know, I know, I bitch about Phoenix Sky Harbor and their interminable moving walkways, but it would be infinitely worse if they didn’t even have said walkways. So, while I am glad that there are plentiful options for food, drink, and buying of beauty and entertainment products on my walk between terminals, I would appreciate if that walk weren’t quite so long and unfacilitated.

Champaign and Chicago

I am in Chicago having a very fabulously Chicago day. This is rapidly becoming my favorite city in the US (besides San Diego). It's walkable, has delicious food, and probably the best art museum in the country in the Chicago Art Institute. It ranks up with the Hermitage and the Musee D'Orsay as my favorite art museums in this whole wide world.
I am now comfortably ensconced in the Blackstone, which, if a hotel could be considered a spiritual home, would be my spiritual home. I will show you rather than tell you why:




I love it so much I am actually trying to make the bathroom at my condo look like the Blackstone bathroom. They also have recently started using Aveda bath products, which I am hoarding like any good traveler does with high quality bathroom products. That's so that when I go places like the Hampton Inn, which I love except for their lackluster blue Crabtree and Evelyn toiletries, I can indulge a bit.

Anyway, depending on whether points or luxury are most important to you, you can let your company make a reservation and since the Blackstone is a Marriott brand hotel you have a chance of getting to the concierge level (oh la la), or just get the points. I almost always go for the latter but that's because I'm trying to fund the accommodations for a trip to Spain. They also have a great, sort of pricey wine bar called Mercat. Some fun, delicious offerings there. I got a cheese plate with various dipping sauces. My favorite, being hilariously disconcerting, was the roasted garlic dulce de leche sauce.

Today for breakfast I went to the Bongo room, which is on Roosevelt and Wabash on the South Loop. Um, yeah, that's the thing to do for breakfast, my friends. I was dreadinng having to choose between sweet and savory when the waitress told me I could get any pancake or french toast in a one slice size vs a whole order. so that would be what I did. I got the roasted red pepper, feta, and spinach eggs benedict and a slice of brown sugar brioche french toast. The eggs benedict was ridiculously good, truly the best hollandaise sauce I have ever had, a very generous portion with a mountain of potatoes that, if it weren't still so close to New Year's resolution time when I decided to make an effort at self-control, would have been annihilated to the pain of my tummy. The french toast was great, not necessarily something I felt like I couldn't have gotten elsewhere, but still excellent.

Atlanta Westin for 3 days

Some people love the Atlanta airport. I am not one of them. I guess I am not easy to please in airport design. Much as I don't love the long straight lines of places like Phoenix Sky Harbor, I am also chagrined at places that force me to take subway systems and then walk. With Atlanta it felt like too long a wait and too long a ride. and what's up with that creepy Ant sculpture? I get it AtlANTa, but yuck. Anyway, I was pretty stoked that I remembered that at the baggage claim there is only one exit towards the cabs. Also good to know is that you have to pay the little cab office first if you are using credit card and it's a flat rate to wherever you are going. Nice way to reduce gouging.

I stayed at the Westin in downtown ATL, the rooms of which were quite nice, though the building has a lot of energy coming off it. No, not new age voodoo energy, but like, actual movement. I was checking out the horrific dueling mirrors that gave me a view of my backside in its full glory, and the mirrors were vibrating the whole time. This same feeling persisted in the room when there was a storm raging outside. This is the hotel whose windows were ripped off when a tornado swooped through the very middle of the highway into downtown. Anyway, totally nice hotel, The Cafe restaurant was way too pricey for entrees. The bar made a delicious dirty martini with a twist. They have a rough time regulating the inside temperature because of their enormous atrium. Anyway, I had to get a fedex package delivered and they charged me a 5 dollar delivery fee. 5 dollars to get my package delivered to me, that's in addition to the fedex fee. seriously? what is that? They also charged our company 10 dollars a box for a receiving fee. Anyway, it's not worth all that. Last time I was here I stayed at the Omni at the CNN Center and don't remember any weird delivery fees. They also had a large foodcourt downstairs. So, for what I'm guessing is about the same price, I would definitely go with the Omni.